Those Girly Feelings
by gurj14
Summary: Natsuki learns the real gift of love, Shizuru gets it.    After Mai-HiME anime.


**Disclaimer: **disclaimed.

**A/N:** S to the H to the I to the Z to the N to the A to the T. This time I tried my hand at typing something 'after-carnival' related. Hope it will be well received by all da ShizNat fans yo.

**Warning: **Just so ya know, there is some _this _and _that_ and extra Natsuki blushes and some "ara's" and some bad, naughty words, and some lingerie. Just so ya know, ya know?

**Those Girly Feelings**

"Diamonds for my fabulous Shizuru, and only because she's the diamond of my heart – no other woman holds a torch to your place in my eyes."

"That's because females aren't your cup of tea, Otou-sama."

Shizuru would have preferred her father gift her with a quiet dinner instead of jewels that cost some Japanese citizens their entire year's salary, but her father was eccentric, always had been when it came to shiny things and luxuries. He had once told her that all his life he had aspired to be able to prove himself to his now deceased parents so that "they could kiss my ass for all I care! I'll be ten times as rich as them and still a raving homosexual!"

Shizuru had met her infamous homophobic grandparents at the age of four, an encounter she had not remembered well, considering only their corpses had been left. According to her father, her black kimono at the funeral was to die for and no other girl could ever hope to be as cute or beautiful.

"Don't look so happy," her father's sarcasm snaps her from her musings and back to the present. He grins at her through the mirror while fixing his silk purple scarf to tuck into his brown waistcoat and white shirt. His hair was a waving shampoo commercial in thick locks of chestnut, the hair transplant he had gotten was a secret Shizuru was supposed to take to the grave. "If my father ever bought me jewellery like that I'd faint from joy darling," with a spritz of cologne he's all ready for the party in the hotel's lobby.

"Ara, Otou-sama-"

"And what's this 'Otou-sama, Otou-sama' crap? I shouldn't have sent you to that goddamn school for ladies, but it was your mother's blood right or whatever. When you got that scholarship though I thought Fuuka Academy would toughen you up, loosen your manners so you weren't so tightly wound."

Shizuru cringed. Manners were her pride, proper etiquette her natural calling. She was glad he didn't see her sour expression. _Toughen her up?_ That was an understatement. How could she even begin to describe her time at Fuuka Academy?

She could try with...

_Day one:_

The freaky chairwoman who no one actually knows requests a private meeting with Shizuru the second Shizuru walked on school grounds to talk about her 'scholarship.' Said freaky chairwoman turns out to be a creepily all-knowing ten year old woman-child in a wheelchair who tells her she's one of twelve special legendary and prophesied super girls destined to fight crazy green monsters and the Obsidian Prince on Fuuka Island.

_Day two:_

She gets hit on a lot and rejects all the boys though Shizuru flirts with all the girls to pass time, a few even catching her eye for dating possibilities. Reito turns out to be the brother she never had and the only likeable person by the end of the day.

_Every other day:_

To be honest, she doesn't remember much of Fuuka after the first couple of days other than fan girls and homework. Okay, so it wasn't the beginning of Fuuka Academy that made her cringe. To be fair, those fangirls were cute and horny and totally beneficial. Once Shizuru got over the whole 'Highly-advanced-Materialized-Equipment' thing and was glad her Naginajitsu paid off and that her weird birthmark wasn't a birthmark but the HiME symbol and super powers let her drink more tea and wield a giant mecha, she thought the ordeal pretty damn awesome.

No, it had been mid-way of her first year in high school when there was a new transfer student two grades below her. That was when shit hit the fan. Her heart would pound at the most beautiful creature she had ever seen, she would fantasise about the younger girl with personal embarrassment for such a silly infatuation. Although when she actually spoke to her crush and found out the girl was only one year younger than her instead of two like their grades suggested, she hadn't felt as embarrassed for pining.

Quiet, beautiful, blushing, serious, sexy, naughty... Kuga Natsuki was in her heart and soul. Shizuru had lost her heart the moment Natsuki had looked – or was it smiled?—at her. Well, she lost it at some point anyways, did the exact moment really matter?

Natsuki was her best friend, her first real friend. Reito couldn't compare. Those green eyes that Shizuru let see sides of her _no one_ else had ever before. They became each other's family.

When she knew Natsuki was a HiME as well... her beloved was too wrapped up in revenge and the past to notice Shizuru falling madly in love. And did she ever fall _madly_.

Freaky chairwoman forgot to mention that all the HiME's would have to fight one another to save their most important person's life, that the red HiME star would make them crazier and more obsessed with their own deepest desires.

Poor Natsuki had nothing left to her life when she found out her mother had sold her for money and research, the younger girl did naught but sulk behind her gorgeous dark hair, lost when her revenge had been all for naught.

Shizuru had...

She didn't want to remember _that_.

Shizuru had been truly happy once. Natsuki chose to die with her, could her Natsuki have done anything more noble and romantic all in one? Shizuru had been so glad, so fulfilled... Natsuki had forgiven her and revealed Shizuru to be her most important person. Duran had been as big as Kiyohime, surely their love was mutual? Being embraced by Natsuki... nothing had ever made her feel that whole.

Resurrection sucked.

Natsuki was awkward, Shizuru had to graduate. Natsuki was trying really hard to be romantic but couldn't fucking _kiss_ her, Shizuru had to... damn it she couldn't bare Natsuki sacrificing for her. She couldn't bare how their comfort with each other had dissolved, they had since lost their sync and dating was proving to be too much for Natsuki since the girl rarely initiated _any_ physical contact. Even though the younger was rarely talkative Shizuru knew her enough to understand when her walls had been put up. Fuuka had been suffocating Shizuru, even being in University while Natsuki attended high school wasn't enough distance to breathe. It hurt too much to be so close and yet so far.

This brought her to decide, for the first time since she met Natsuki, to leave Fuuka Island and travel back to Kyoto and meet her parents for Christmas break in celebration of her nineteenth birthday.

_Am I nineteen only? I've lived and died a lifetime._

"Shall we?" Her father holds out his arm once he's finished gossiping to Shizuru about his secretary. She hooks her hand around his bicep and walks from the hotel suite, enjoying the swish of her light, silky green kimono. They make their way to the elevators and the awaiting party guests downstairs.

Her parents were best friends, two homosexuals outcaste by their families whom met by chance while attending Kyoto University's student loan offices and waiting for an hour. While her father had remained a gay bachelor (even now at fifty-five he balanced a couple of lovers claiming it suited his business-travel lifestyle) her mother was settled down with her third partner, a young female only ten years older than Shizuru herself. Weird, but her parents were 'normal' like that.

She told them both she was in a serious relationship with her girlfriend, Kuga Natsuki so they'd stop setting her up with every eligible Japanese gay girl in a metre's radius. They both seemed to think she made Natsuki up, and Shizuru had no picture to show, purposely trying to make this trip be about _herself_ and have nothing to do with Natsuki. Okay, so actually, she had forgotten her cell phone otherwise she would have gladly shown pictures of her sweetheart.

"Shizuru! Darling birthday girl, I want you to meet someone," her mother kisses her cheek before dragging a turquoise haired girl by the elbow. "Tomoe-chin, I'd like you to meet my daughter Shizuru. Tomoe-chin is the star model for Kei-chin's next big show."

Her mother's girlfriend, Kei, hides a grin behind her champagne flute. Shizuru had met her only last night and despite the age difference with her mother, Kei was rich enough to not be a gold-digger and her mother was really fond of the spunky designer. The kimono Shizuru was wearing right now was a gift from her as well, and she was pretty sure she overheard Kei talking about an engagement ring.

_That_ was weirder. Her mother, possibly getting married?

"Ara, how lovely," Shizuru smiles politely. Even though she wasn't interested in another girl since Natsuki still caged her heart, she could flirt and appreciate a model as hot as this. Or so she thought until an awkward wave caught her eye from across the party room's large entranceway stealing her attention, thoughts, mind, and heart all over again.

Rain-soaked, frowning, and clearly not dressed for the party... Natsuki was still the hottest of them all.

* * *

><p>It was okay, in Shizuru's opinion, to drag Natsuki up to her hotel room instead of staying at her extravagant birthday bash. She didn't know that many people there anyways, her parents having just wanted to show their precious offspring off and brag or whatever it was rich folks did when discussing their children.<p>

"I came to surprise you for your birthday," Natsuki explains while casually leaning against the elevator's metal side rail. She doesn't shiver, but blushes as she continues, "didn't realise you were celebrating – I mean—you left your phone at my place, so I couldn't call-"

"Natsuki came all this way to surprise me?" Shizuru lets out a dramatic gasp, "how touching!"

Natsuki grins, relieved to not babble further, her eyes rolling at Shizuru's silliness. "I only had to take the ferry and a train, it's no big deal. Four hours or so... I think."

"Ara!" Shizuru lets her lip quiver, "you didn't fight the forces of evil, slay dragons or travel the seven seas to win my love? Natsuki, how could you?"

"Idiot!" Natsuki squeaks, her nose and ears turning pink as the elevator dings upon arrival to the designated floor. Making their way to the suite Shizuru holds tight onto Natsuki's hand. Usually Natsuki allowed those kind of small gestures only when alone, but someone could have easily spotted them and the bluenette didn't flinch or seem self-conscious. At all.

_Am I dreaming?_ If she was, this was usually the part where Natsuki ripped her kimono off and fucked her.

Once they are inside the room, Natsuki removes her leather jacket, then her boots and socks because of Shizuru's urging. She sits cross-legged on the towel Shizuru tosses at her and then eyes the two beds in the room suspiciously. Shizuru smiles, wondering how she ever felt suffocated with her love – oh right, that was because Natsuki bought her chocolates and flowers, won her stuffed toys, but rarely hugged and never kissed her or told her she was beautiful.

_Natsuki loves me, but it hardly feels like it_.

"I'm sharing the room with my father," Shizuru answers the unvoiced question.

"Right," Natsuki uses another towel to dry her long hair, the straight dark blue locks look jet-black when wet, curling slightly at the ends. "I got you a present, it's in my jacket – er, left pocket." Shizuru glances at the jacket and eagerly rummages for her gift. First she comes across Natsuki's motorcycle keys, for even when the bike was parked safely away in Fuuka Natsuki always carried her precious bike's keys with her. Her fingers find rumpled paper and lift it from the pocket, eyeing the small blue box it was taped to with amusement.

"Natsuki needs to learn how to wrap," she smirks, detaching the paper with her fingers as her girlfriend blushes again.

"Shut up! It's a card you smartass."

Shizuru laughs and gently fingers the small envelope, her name is written in Natsuki's 'I mean business, bitch' style of writing: sharp and strong, unlike her own artful and hard-practised calligraphy but even more perfect.

"Open it," Natsuki probes nervously, dropping the towel to the ground to smooth her damp hair down with her fingers. Shizuru smiled when she noticed Natsuki wearing a v-neck white t-shirt, a bit of cleavage cradling the silver chain Shizuru got for the younger woman's eighteenth birthday in August.

How would it feel to have Natsuki's chest pressed against her own? The chain in between them... Natsuki whispering her name -

She turns her attention back to her gift, slipping out the cute pink card with small hearts and a written 'Happy Birthday. Love, N' in blotched black pen. "Th... thank you, Natsuki."

"It's just a card," Natsuki whispers, her voice genuinely pleased. "You... no matter what I get for you, you love it..."

Shizuru sighs contently, "how could I not adore anything Natsuki gets thinking about me?" She lifts the lid from the thin blue box to reveal a solid gold pen, her name etched on the side in elegant Kanji.

"I have trouble telling you how I feel," Natsuki continues quietly. "I'm sorry... I wondered about – I thought buying you gifts would make you see that I... I..."

Shizuru bites her bottom lip. Her real birthday gift, Natsuki letting her know that:

"I love you."

It's said perfectly, with so much conviction. Natsuki has crawled over to her, hands lightly grazing her knees for comfort. Shizuru doesn't realise she's sobbing until her girlfriend's thumbs wipe tears from her cheeks.

_I'm not dreaming. _

"I'm sorry," Natsuki holds her close. Shizuru smiles, a real smile.

And even though Natsuki looks scared when their lips finally touch Shizuru decided she's happier now than ever before, double suicide be damned.

* * *

><p>"Tha-that was nice," Natsuki's thumb caresses her knuckles, it was getting late and the pair had made their way down to the hotel's lobby. Her girlfriend had forgotten about her single duffel bag that she left at the hotel's reception. "I mean, more than nice!"<p>

Shizuru giggles, blushing herself as well. They had kissed for so long... she missed thewhole party, just making out with her Natsuki. "I agree..."

"You're back young Miss," the man at the reception gives a small grin, Shizuru's pretty sure her dad tapped that. "Your bag is right here," he reaches under the desk before plopping the bag down on the desk.

"Thank you," Natsuki lets go of her hands, she pouts, and slings the bag over her shoulder. "Uh... I'd like a room as well."

Shizuru turns around, eyeing the well-dressed patrons whom were are all leaving her birthday party with smiles and laughter.

Natsuki pays for a single room and Shizuru walks with her, hoping beyond hope that when she heard 'Queen-sized-bed' Natsuki was smart enough to make a move. Then the perfect day would truly be perfect.

They make the short walk to the room, Shizuru fidgeting with her hands and wishing she could hold onto Natsuki just a bit longer.

"Natsuki," she leans against the wall and watches Natsuki swipe the key card. "May I come in?"

"Of course you can-" Natsuki's eyes bulge when she realizes the underlying intent, and she stutters, "Sh-Sh-Shizuru, don't say that stuff out here!"

Natsuki grabs her arm and leads her inside, face aflame. Shizuru wonders if she came on too strong too soon. They didn't really have a pace to their relationship what with having never made out until tonight. So to her, the math equalled Natsuki ripping off her kimono and making her scream.

Like, now.

"I thought birthday wishes were supposed to come true," Shizuru pouted, her hands rested on Natsuki's shoulders and she dragged them up the slightly shorter girl's neck before stepping closer and trailing her fingertips in a tease down to the top of her breasts. Natsuki's breath stopped.

"Shizuru..."

There was the whisper Shizuru yearned to hear. Desire directed at _her_ from Natsuki... it was surreal.

She drops her hands to grab at Natsuki's and adjust them to her waist, leaning in to peck her cheek. Natsuki's hands bunch the kimono at her hips.

"Caress me, Natsuki," she pleads into her love's red ear, kissing the lobe. She rakes her fingers though Natsuki's hair next, her mind's checklist ticking off one by one.

_Finally _she almost says out loud when Natsuki's hands start to move, gently rubbing her hips and lower back.

Shizuru knew Natsuki had never had sex before, and that was _good_. She doesn't think she could repress her killer instinct knowing another had been touched like this by her biker. All of her benevolence was gone when they were so close, she needed to go all the way.

_My Natsuki. _

Natsuki's lips find hers, and Shizuru leads their kiss to a faster pace than their previous chasteness, her fingers hook on the damp white shirt and lift to reveal one of Natsuki's prideful brassieres.

Black with lace, her fingers follow the straps as she takes a moment to look into Natsuki's green eyes... so sexy... she bites her lip and nods when Natsuki's hands linger on her waste, silently seeking permission to take off her kimono. Natsuki's fingers fumble at first but she finds the sash and it falls easily, the green fabric making no sound as it hits the ground.

Shizuru kisses her the instant her gown is gone, her arms wrap around Natsuki's neck and she moans when Natsuki encircles her waist, their skin closer than ever before with only closer to go.

Shizuru breaks off the kiss for a gasp of air, Natsuki's chest heaving against her. "Shizuru," the dark haired girl shudders when Shizuru takes the opportunity to wriggle in their embrace, a soft moan escapes her lips. "I feel... so..." the biker's throat dryly swallows, "I-"

"Shh," she smiles gently and grazes her lips over Natsuki. "My Natsuki..." Natsuki doesn't need to explain to her, the eyes were always an open book of her emotions. Usually passive, lately happy... now they were filled with a lust that Shizuru could _definitely_ relate to.

This time Natsuki leans in to kiss her, her hand travels up Shizuru's back slowly and rests at her bra's clasp. Shizuru lets out an encouraging moan, praying Natsuki won't stop now. After all, the biker was a collector of expensive lingerie, surely she knew how to unclasp a fucking bra?

With no fumbling as per her previous attempt with Shizuru's kimono, Natsuki detaches the bra's hold on her almost-lover's breasts. Shizuru shimmies out of it gracefully, letting the garment fall to the ground before she backs up towards the bed, her eyes taking in the sight of Natsuki's appearance.

She tugs Natsuki in the same direction and then rests her hands on the black, tight, denim pants twisting the button free and relishing the sound of the zip that followed. She caresses Natsuki's cheek and kisses her softly, her eager hands slipping inside her girlfriend's waistband to caress her. Natsuki gasps into the kiss, one of her hands grabs Shizuru's wrist as a reaction, stopping further movement, Shizuru worryingly leans away from their kiss.

Natsuki slowly removes her hand before wordlessly pressing a kiss to Shizuru's temple, letting her know it was okay. Shizuru slowly starts again, eyes watching Natsuki's teeth close on her lower lip, stifling moans.

"Uhn..." Natsuki's hands grab at Shizuru's hips, the awkward angel of Shizuru's arm makes it painful, but she doesn't care, letting her fingers slip past the underwear and along... she lets out a moan of her own, lifting one of Natsuki's hands to her breast and grateful for the compressing grip it brings.

Natsuki opens her eyes just as Shizuru closes hers, in mimic she slips her hand in Shizuru's underwear, the sight of Shizuru wanting... she just felt, thinking long-drained from her mind.

_And that had been the problem hadn't it, Natsuki? You thought and thought, and then thought some more... never took the time to really_ _feel_.

They stagger backwards, collapsing on the bed. Natsuki allows herself to be rolled over wondering when she lost all of her clothes... Shizuru straddles her, guides her like the goddess she is.

Natsuki is in love.

* * *

><p>"That was amazing," Shizuru smiles, cuddling closer to her lover. <em>My Natsuki, my lover... my soul mate, my everything<em>. She kept addressing Natsuki with any endearing title her mind could come up with, they were the leads in a great romance and finally she got her happy ending, with many more happy endings to come.

"It was," Natsuki tucks some of Shizuru's light brown hair behind her ear before leaning down to press a kiss to Shizuru's lips, light blush on her cheeks.

Shizuru sighs contently into the kiss, giggling when Natsuki accidentally brushes her nipple with a hand.

"S-sorry," Natsuki mumbles in embarrassment, her girlfriend chuckling at her.

"Ara, ara, we've already crossed that bridge Natsuki, no need to be so shy."

Natsuki scowls at the tease, lying on her back she closes her eyes with a smile. Sex was pretty damn awesome, no wonder the majority of the population practised it and gossiped about it. Shizuru fixes the blanket over them and resumed cuddling into her side... the cuddling was nice too.

"Thank you Natsuki," Shizuru whispers, kissing her cheek. "I love you."

Natsuki presses her face into the chestnut hair at her shoulder. "Love you too... sweet dreams."


End file.
